I used to think that middle-age spread was something that happened to “other” people. That the words “spread” and “middle age” did not have to be synonymous with one another, just like the words “midlife” and “crisis” didn’t have to be. I thought I’d be one of the lucky ones, since I was a skinny kid. Wrong: The waistline is simply not what it used to be. Neither is the weight. Especially after menopause.